Time to change gears. Let's make some football picks. Today, I go up against fellow Browns fan The Joe Miller, who writes:"After a night where I got to hear a 4-year old puke repeatedly, I can only imagine she was dreaming about the Browns so far this year. Luckily for my digestive tract their bye week is upon us so I will have to merely dry-heave my way through this weeks pick..."
Lovely image. Let's hope the Browns get rested up for next week's Monday night test hosting the Giants.
Now, the picks:
Seattle (+5.5) at New York Giants
Mike: NYG. Even without Plaxico, the Giants will dominate against a defeated Seattle team.
Joe: NYG. Amid rumors of his sister-in-law leaving The View, Matt Hasselbeck has lost even more hair (he had some left) and their offense will struggle.
Washington (Even) at Philadelphia
Mike: WAS. I thought the 'Skins would be the NFC East doormat. Jim Zorn is proving me wrong. Then again, it's -at- Philly...
Joe: PHI. Washington was great last week, but McNabb will spread the ball around (No T.O. moments) and the Philly D will dominate young Campbell.
San Diego (-5.5) at Miami
Mike: SD. Ricky is battling withdrawal. Ronnie Brown will score five fewer TDs than last week. LT is getting healthy.
Joe: MIA. I'm jumping on the Miami bus with Joey Porter as the driver. I hate Joey Porter. (Is there a bigger a-hole in the league?) Ronnie Brown throws harder than Pennington and Ricky has had a week to meditate. Miami wins when San Diego's last second TD is called back, once again screwing them. Somewhere Marty Schott is smiling.
Kansas City (+7) at Carolina
Mike: CAR. The Chiefs looked better last week but the Panthers will burst that bubble by halftime.
Joe: CAR. Brodie Croyle. Tyler Thigpen. Damon Huard. Hey, Steve Smith, please punch the Chiefs GM in the face.
Tennessee (-2) at Baltimore
Mike: TEN. Expect the Titans to embarrass Flacco and the Raven offense in this defensive showdown.
Joe: TEN. Can Kerry Collins continue collegiate competitiveness?? (ran out of c's) Answer, yes this week but just barely.
Indianapolis (-3) at Houston
Mike: IND. The Colts are beatable but not to the Texans. Quiz: Name any three Houston players.
Joe: IND. Indy, off bye week, will take out early season woes on Texans. Rookie Steve Slaton will continue to impress as a bright spot for Houston.
Chicago (-4) at Detroit
Mike: CHI. The problem wasn't Millen. It's playing indoors. They should have built an outdoor stadium. Shame on you, Detroit.
Joe: DET. This really should be a sell-out at Ford Field so that the fans can all celebrate as one. Kitna will have one of his three amazing statistical games he has each season and Detroit will regain false hope again....for a week.
Atlanta (+4) at Green Bay
Mike: GB. Despite the amazing start, Matt Ryan will plunge the Falcons back to inadequacy in Green Bay.
Joe: GB. Whoever starts at QB for GB will get a win. Receiving yards leader Jennings will have another big day.
Tampa Bay (+3) at Denver
Mike: DEN. Jay Cutler is healthy, the air is thin and Jon Gruden will be very ****ing angry.
Joe: DEN. Brandon Marshall is crazy good. Tampa can't play in cold weather. Jeff Garcia will continue to wonder what happened.
Cincinnati (+10) at Dallas
Mike: DAL. Romo and Owens will renew their man love following this laugher. Cincy misses the ol' Bruce Coslet days.
Joe: DAL. If Carson Palmer sits again, Dallas might score 100. The Coyboys still need to get the ball to Barber and Jones more. How long until Jerry Jones turns into Al Davis??
Buffalo (-3) at Arizona
Mike: BUF. Blue collar football beats out retirement home football. Yawn.
Joe: ARI. Kurt Warner in nice weather is dangerous and Buffalo has to come back to Earth at some point.
New England (Even) at San Francisco
Mike: NE. How is this an even point spread? Even Alex Smith could lead this Patriots team to a win.
Joe: SF. Another shocker this week as Gore runs wild through NE. Randy Moss has reverted to Oakland form with Cassel. This is the matchup I have waited all my life to see: Matt Cassel vs. JT O'Sullivan. Ratings Galore.
Pittsburgh (-1) at Jacksonville
Mike: PIT. Whenever I root against Pittsburgh, they win, so I will not root only for injuries. But Jinx is rooting for the Jags.
Joe: JAX. I absolutely can't pick the 'Burgh. I hate that "H" on the end. Drives me nuts, like it was done accidently but no one noticed. Injuries finally cost the Steelers and Gerrard finally looks like last year's version.
Minnesota (+2) at New Orleans
Mike: NO. Saints will do better at stopping Peterson than the Vikes will do with Brees and company.
Joe: MIN. Close, high scoring, Peterson v Bush on turf should be fun. Vikes D wins it with a stop late in the game. Bush loses focus during game when clip of Kim Kardashian dancing is shown on big screen and all air is sucked out of stadium.
