Week 11 Picks

Last Week
Joe: 6-8 (40-43 overall)
Mike: 9-5 (45-38 overall)

[Ed. note: This week, Joe is fighting an Amish illness called Der Flu. His answers will be brief, unreliable and may reek of acid reflux.]

Week 11 Picks

NYJets (+3) at New England

Joe: NYJ. (this was texted to me at kickoff...)

Mike: NE. It's been a rough year for the Patriots. Poor guys are only 6-3. Belichick is on the hot seat and there's talk of moving the team to Scranton. Meanwhile, the Jets are rejuvinated and have extended Favre through the 2021 season. The Pats win in a high-scoring game, 31-27.

Denver (+5) at Atlanta

Joe: ATL. I like Matt Ryan because its the perfect two first-name name. I'm picking Atlanta and I wanted to reference "dirty bird" because I think we need some more team dances. That and a good scandal involving a QB, one where he does something so horrible you cant even imagine it really happened... like if he killed things... can't put my finger on it but I think that would really put the NFL back in some headlines.

Mike: DEN. Atlanta was picked by most know-it-alls to be the worst team of the 2008 season. When they drafted Matt Ryan, I would have sworn that he would be the King of the Duds joining the recent ranks of David Carr and Joey Harrington. But a funny thing happened. He's been awesome. That pass he threw to the sideline to setup the game winning field goal in the final seconds in Week Six was THE play of the year. (But five points is too much so I'm going with Denver.)

Oakland (+10) at Miami

Joe: MIA. Not Oakland team. That sounded better in my head. I'm really disappointed in Darren McFadden's season. Turf toe is a killer.

Mike: MIA. Aren't you happy for the Dolphins? How can anybody hate the Dolphins. I love the smily guy wearing a helmet ON the helmet. They sucked so much last year then hired Parcells, got a new coach, brought back Ricky, traded for a new quarterback just as preseason unfolded and look at them now. They are arguably the "funnest" team in the NFL.

Baltimore (+6) at NY Giants

Joe: NYG. GGGGGGGGGGGGGGG MEN. Very hard to ever pick Baltimore. Every New York win makes the Browns look .000001% better.

Mike: BAL. The Browns have been gone for 13 years. And over this past season, I've learned to just ... let it go. Yeah, we have the Browns back but it's kinda like that Angelina Jolie movie, where her child is kidnapped but soon after realizes it isn't her kid. I haven't seen the movie but in Cleveland, we are stuck with this new kid and it's time to let the old one, the good one, go. I don't hate Baltimore because they have the blood of the Browns. It's because they're defense is what I wish ours was and now their offense is interesting to watch.

Houston (+8) at Indianapolis

Joe: HOU. Bob Sanders is back but so is Sage Rosenfels and there is nothing I fear more than an angry revenge laden Sage Rosenfels.

Mike: IND. I've been seeing far fewer Peyton Manning commercials this season. Yes, there's the one of him parading around in a robe but other than that, our TVs have been mostly Manning-free. Maybe 2008 does have a silver lining.

Tennessee (-3) at Jacksonville

Joe: TEN. Tennessee will lose at some point but this isn't that point. I was going to write how this was a battle of 2nd or 3rd class cities -- then I remembered Tennessee is a state. Who knew?

Mike: TEN. Really, what is there to like about the Titans? Kerry Collins? Vince Young? Albert Haynesworth? Other than Bo Johnson and Chris Scaife ... or is it ... well anyway. I made my point. If they win this game, they'll be undefeated in Week 14 against Cleveland.

Chicago (+3) at Green Bay

Joe: GB. Aaron Rodgers will channel his InnerFavre and win on the frozen tundra. It makes me wonder who I would want to channel on gameday or any day for that matter... I'm going with Bernie Kosar.

Mike: GB. I've lost track of Aaron Rodgers. Is he hurt? Was he not doing as well as his hot start? I'm afraid that he's starting to remind me of Derek Anderson. He has that fake-confidence that has evolved with years of fake encouragement. But as my brother says, the Chicago quarterback situation, after all these years, is still HORRIBLE.

Philadelphia (-9) at Cincinnati

Joe: PHI. I said earlier in the year, Cincy, Detroit, and KC should get double digits every game. I'm adding Oakland to this list. Cincy got their win and now will give up on the season -- unless Ocho Cinco cries on McNabbs shoulder some more then at least he will put in 75%.

Mike: CIN. A buddy at work today confided that he's an Eagle fan not because of any particular reason, but when he was a kid he just sorta latched onto them. He wondered why people feel the need to be loyal to their local team. Since he is a first generation Washington DC resident, does it point to a lack of roots in this area? Is that why Dallas is self-considered America's team? Not because anybody is from Dallas (heaven forbid) but because they are new fans in their family. Would you ever let your child grow up without having them cheer the same team as you? Not many cheers in Cincy recently -- but enough to disappointingly cover that spread.

New Orleans (-5) at Kansas City

Joe: NO. Did Tyler "Don't call me Bobby" Thigpen buy KC 5-8 points???

Mike: NO. Amanda hasn't seen many Saints games this year because the Browns have been on National TV nearly every week and we have only been to the sports bar twice. No. Once! Thank God I haven't been spending $60 per Browns loss in beer and pizza. Then again, it's still money well spent. Oh yeah, it doesn't take a whole lot of Saints knowledge to know that Dreew Bres will outmaneuver Tyler Thigpen. (No offense, Tyler Thigpen, because in full disclosure I haven't seen much of you either.)

Detroit (+14) at Carolina

Joe: DET. Finally a spread that makes sense. Buy on Detroit, you Vegas lowlifes, they are getting 14. Culpepper to Calvin Johnson will have the Carolina crowd booing and Steve Smith punching.

Mike: DET. I'm seriously starting to worry about my friends in Michigan. The state is in complete disrepair. Their crowded highways are the most potholed in the country. The foreclosure rates are unthinkable. The auto industry is looking for a bailout. Their cheating mayor is in prison, Michigan football has lost their identity and fallen from grace, the mighty Tigers finished in the cellar and now the Lions, the Matt Millen-less Lions, have yet to win a game. Wow. Let's hope Michigan isn't the canary.

Minnesota (+4) at Tampa Bay

Joe: MIN. I'm not saying they will win but this game will be a mess. Two defenses that are good and two offenses (offensi?) that are offensive.

Mike: TB. Cold team is happy to be playing in Florida. Their spirits will be up but Gus Frerotte will still be throwing interceptions. Does a warm weather team hold a warm weather advantage?

St Louis (+6) at San Francisco

Joe: SF. Coach Singletary has to win sometime and then he will be praised for getting through to a bunch a losers. Why is Trent Green still playing? Poor Torry Holt.

Mike: STL. I'm not saying St Louis is going to win. No, I think Singletary's squad is going to win it this week. It'll take a close finish at the end but I think he's going to get it straightened out. We've been drafting Singletary to be our coach in Madden in years. We just never knew the man was crazy.

Arizona (-2) at Seattle

Joe: AZ. Arizona is so trendy now. Boldin, Fitz, and Breaston are like the Jonas brothers only I don't change the channel immediately and bang my head against the wall when I see them on TV. I HATE THE JONAS BROTHERS. Damn you, Disney channel.

Mike: AZ. There's just something about Kurt Warner ... maybe that he, too, was once a grocery store bagboy. He's the Every Man, the new Testaverde, the new Warren Moon. The passer who keeps on passing.

San Diego (+4) at Pittsburgh

Joe: PIT. They will win and win big. Fast Willie Parker, which by the way is an amazing porno name, will score multiple times.

Mike: PIT. Damn those Steelers. I mean it. Damn them! They have tormented Pete. He's been dating and has since married a Steeler fan. This union has produced a wonderful child and now the young Grayson is already exploring the floor around him. But damn those Steelers. Not once during these five years have the Browns defeated the Steelers. Not once. He has married into an entire swarm of Steeler fans. Someday the Browns will finally beat the Steelers, and that will be the day that Pete will feel a pride he has never felt.

Dallas (-2) at Washington

Joe: WAS. Jerry Jones ages five years this Sunday and Tony Romo will only break hearts.

Mike: DAL. I can hear the Monday Night Football music. Cue it up. "Duhn-Duhn-Duhn-Duhn-Duhn.... Duh-duh, duh-duh..." But this game is Sunday Night. I bet ESPN is ticked. They get the Cleveland-Buffalo game while NBC gets two of the top teams in the NFC. The Great Romo is back, his pinky no longer ouchy, and he's ready to carry this team on Jessica's back.

Cleveland (+4) at Buffalo

Joe: BUF. Hahaha! Just kidding. Woof, woof, woof! CLE. I don't know how but Crennel will try to make us lose. However, I think we manage to out-Crennel Romeo and finally win a game. You play to win the game.

Mike: CLE. The election of Barack Obama should signal that spark of enthusiasm in the fans of Cleveland Browns. Those who lived many years, and never so much as dreamed of the day, that they should see God Himself grant to the people a new leader, a true champion, a Cleveland Browns Super Bowl team -- those people have a new hope -- the emergence of the new messiah in uniform, the answerer of Hail Marys and deliverer of the One Trophy. And that person is ... Luke McNown. Just kidding, it's Brady Quinn. The ship will be righted across the Erie on Monday night.