Week 2 Picks

Standings:
Joe 9-6-1
Mike 8-7-1

We were tied heading into Monday Nights 2nd Game and Mike stupidly picked SD and Norv Turner. So here we go. WEEK 2. WWWHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

CLEVELAND 3 Kansas City
Mike: KC. Name the last time the Browns won a home opener. Exactly. Browns will stay close as they always do but will give up a big play in the end to blow it. Seneca Wallace gives the Browns new hope in the same way that every other backup quarterback has for the Browns. But Wallace has been a career backup for a reason.
Joe: CLE. Of course I'm taking Cleveland. Weis and Cromeo on the same sideline once again, seems like a worse idea than updating and rerunning Hawaii 5-0. Seneca Wallace era begins today.
Final: KC 16-14 (Mike) Cleveland should have won and gave it away. Again. Ten of KC's points were off of turnovers. Terrible.

GREEN BAY 13 Buffalo
Joe: GB. Today we find out if GB can take of business when they should. Also first look at Brandon Jackson as GB's feature back. He was gone off the waiver wire as fast as Mike's morals are gone after half a beer.
Mike: BUF. Two touchdowns is a lot of points to give. PS: Morals are my favorite mushroom.
Final: GB 34-7 (Joe) Mike was on Mushrooms if he thought Buffalo was gonna cover.

Baltimore 2½ CINCINNATI
Mike: BAL. Talk about an overrated team. The Bengals live to disappoint. What's the over-under on the number of weeks until they implode? Or have they already imploded?
Joe: CIN. I really don't think Cincy will cover or win but I can't pick the Ravens. I Hate them, I guess not as much as the Jets in week 1 or the Steelers ever. So anyway I don't really care what you think and I obviously don't care what I think so if you follow that logic be prepared for some more great picks.
Final: CIN 15-10. (Joe) Well, maybe this is Joe's week to get some separation. Suck it Baltimore.

TENNESSEE 5½ Pittsburgh
Mike: PIT. As much as I hate the Steelers and their fans, they rarely lose by more than five.
Joe: TEN. See previous paragraph, except I think TEN will win outright and dominate the team that sucks over in the state to the east.
Final: PIT 19-11. (Mike) Pittsburgh tried to give it away. Sorry Vince Young. Maybe you and Pac Man need to visit a local adult establishment tonight and get your heads straight.

Philadelphia 6½ DETROIT
Mike: PHI. Vick's gonna go crazy.
Joe: DET. OK so there are 2 teams that suck from that state. The Eagles lost their Center & Fullback for the season and their QB for at least this week. Not good to lose the center of your offense and then start 0-2. Goodbye, Andy Reid.
Final: PHI 35-32. (Joe) Detroit w an amazing comeback to cover. HAHAHAHAHAH. Vick did go F'ing crazy. What's up with that guy? Joe predicts he is traded before Week 6 to some team with a hurt starter. Seriously. Vick will lead a playoff run.

DALLAS 7 Chicago
Mike: DAL. The Bears won a game they shouldn't and the Cowboys lost a game they should have won. The world corrects itself this week.
Joe: DAL. Dallas covers in their home opener. Its a high scoring game and Chicago stays close through the first half. Then Miles Austin breaks loose.
Final: CHI 27-20 (XX). The Wade Phillips watch is on. That guy sucks at coaching.

CAROLINA 3 Tampa Bay
Joe: CAR. TB is still the worst team in the league, by far. They will lose 15 straight. I hate them now too, they are dead to me. Plus, I don't want to cheer on my football team from a Pirate ship. I want to save that fantasy of being on a Pirate ship for something cooler. Like when I invade Cuba, for cigars.
Mike: TB. Yes, the Bucs start 2-0 but still won't finish .500.
Final: TB 20-7 (Mike) Amazing. Great pick Mike. I'm bitter, this was stupid.

ATLANTA 6½ Arizona
Mike: AZ. This might be my stupidest pick. I think DA will have a nice game, raising hopes, only to shatter them down the road.
Joe: ATL. DA, that's all. My only reason. On a fantasy note, I'm leaving Matt Ryan in over VY for this week. If he fails against ARI after last weeks crapfest in PITT. Say hello to the VY era in Average Joe land.
Final ATL 41-7 (Joe) Ouch Arizona. Kinda wishing you had Leinert right now?

MINNESOTA 5½ Miami
Mike: MIA. This won't be a season to remember in Minnesota.
Joe: MIN. I'm really doubting this pick but here is the game I want to see: Min scores first possession on sweet AP run, Miami then goes up 20-7, before Brett Favre comes out of retirement (the first half) and leads an amazing last second comeback. Just one more time Brett, just one more time....
Final MIA 14-10 (Mike) Uh oh. Time for Childress to start planning for retirement. Wonder if anyone on his team has been through that before.

OAKLAND 3½ ST Louis
Mike: OAK. Bradford will win a few at home but he'll have trouble in Oakland.
Joe: STL. Why not??? This may be a bigger dumpster fire than CLE vs TB. This game doesn't even deserve the RedZone Channel. Again, the greatest channel ever invented. LOVE IT. Speaking of TV, I'm wondering how there isn't a Hooter's Reality show. Just think about it, how is this possible?? You read it here first, just wait.
Final OAK 16-14 (Joe) Jason Campbell is so bad that Bruce Gradkowski had to take over.

DENVER 3 Seattle
Mike: SEA. That big win last week and the Seahawks are underdogs? I'll take those points.
Joe: SEA. Denver is another team I can't pick. Remember those 2 plays that will live in infamy?? Well, I don't because I have blocked them out of my memory but I still remember I hate the Broncos.
Final: DEN 31-14 (XX) We are horrible at picking games. Knowshon would not be stopped.

Houston 2½ WASHINGTON
Mike: HOU. The Redskins got lucky last week but will be flat out blown out today.
Joe: HOU. Houston is coming out strong this year. Exciting team to watch. Sorry, I am real distracted right now, just had Favre/Wrangler commercial, followed by Madden Commercial, followed by Ray Lewis Commercial. Best three commercial stretch in years.
Final: HOU 30-27. (Both) Freezing the kicker with a timeout is either the best or worst rule in football. This time it worked for the Texans.

SAN DIEGO 7 Jacksonville
Mike: JAX. The Chargers are sinking while the Jags ... well, they suck too but Garrard will keep it close.
Joe: SD. Jacksonville might lose by 30 but hopefully MJD still dominates for my fantasy team.
Final SD 38-13. (Joe) Mike is a total idiot for picking AZ and JAX in the same week. This is getting ugly.

New England 3 NY JETS
Mike: NE. Few things are more enjoyable than watching the NYJets lose.
Joe: NE. Hate the Jets.
Final: NYJ 28-14 (XX). Rex Ryan gets the last laugh and his neck fat is still rolling.

INDIANAPOLIS 5 NY Giants
Mike: IND. Peyton gets the Colts back on track with a big home win over whiny little brother.
Joe: IND. Older brother beats little brother. At least its that way in the Manning family. Mike never got that memo.
Final: IND 38-14. (Both)

New Orleans 5½ SAN FRANCISCO
Mike: NO. Singletary's going to suffer a popped vein before the bye week.
Joe: SF. If SF can't get up for this game and pull something off, then they aren't the team we thought they were.
Final: NO 25-22 (Joe)